Shipoopi
by JoyGreenLeaf
Summary: Our school practices of 'The Music Man'... Tis grossly exagerrated, o course.
1. Shipoopi - 45 minutes

Shipoopi  
  
Welcome to the weird and wacky world of my life. Read Brian and the Cookie Jar yet? Please do.  
  
This is the story of our school musical. The Music Man. And guess what...? Brian is Professor Harold Hill! I'm... The Constable's Wife. Er... Anyway.  
  
I advise you to look for some sort of summary of The Music Man, or else this fic will get pretty confusing. Here is the quite crazy [and quite exagerated for your enjoyment] account of last night's practice. And what did we practice? Shipoopi, of course!  
  
  
  
*Everyone comes to the 'Performing Arts Center'. People plop down on movie- theatre-type seats, and get their scripts out*  
  
Music Director: No, no! No scripts today! Come on, people! The big night is coming up!  
  
*Everyone grumbles and puts their scripts away.*  
  
Director: (He has a very nasal voice, tis very annoying...) Okay, Okay everyone. Get on the stage with your husbands and wives.  
  
*Everyone gets on stage, some in pairs.*  
  
Director: Okay, Constable, come here. (Constable walks up)  
  
And your woman too! (Joy walks up)[A/N: That's meee!]  
  
Director: Okay, you're going to have a stick, constable. And you're going to swing your stick, yeah, way up in the air like that. Yeah, that's right. Swing your stick just like that. Good job. Oh yeah, you're the man now.  
  
Constable: ^^;;  
  
Constable's Wife: o.o;;  
  
(A girl walks up to the Constable. She is the Constable's Wife in Trouble. Uh oh...)  
  
Constable's...other...Wife: Um...  
  
Constable's Wife: WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What have you been doing! Oh my god! I knew I heard strange noises when I left for the grocery store...  
  
Director: (Grabs ...Other...Wife) Okay, Little Bit Lady, you go here with the farmer and the kids.  
  
Constable's Wife: She even took out CHILD! My god!!! (Storms off stage... then comes back on because the song is about to start)  
  
*The Music starts to play*  
  
Tommy: This is called the Shipoopi.  
  
All Townspeople: (Raise arms in the air) SHIPOOPI!  
  
Marcellas: Well, a woman who kiss on the very first date is probably a hussy,  
  
A woman who kiss on the 2nd time out is anything but fussy.  
  
But a woman who waits till 3rd time around,  
  
Head in the clouds, feet on the ground,  
  
She's the girl he's glad he's found! She's his SHIPOOPI!  
  
(Starts doing that jumpy-heel-clicky thing... you know what I mean!)  
  
Shipoopi!  
  
Shipoopi!  
  
Shipoopi!  
  
All Boys: The girl who's hard to get!  
  
(All couples bow to each other)  
  
Marcellas: Shipoopi!  
  
Shipoopi!  
  
Shipoopi!  
  
All Girls: But you can win her yet!  
  
Everyone: YOUUUUUUUUUUU CANNNNNNNNN WINNNNNNNNNN HERRRRRRRRRR YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!  
  
Everyone: (SCREAMING) SHIPOOPI!  
  
Constable's Wife: (Trying not to crack up, failing horribly) Shii--HAHAHA-- Shi...SHIPOOOOOOOOPI!  
  
Nameless Townsperson Girl: C'mon, Professor! Show us some new steps!  
  
*"Professor" stands silent. Farmer and wife, along with other townsperson couples, go spinning onto the floor. Corny dance music plays.*  
  
Prof. Harold Hill: (Mrs. Paroo pushes him and Marian onto the dance floor. Instead of falling over like they would have in real life, they start to dance.)  
  
Marian: (Despite the fact that she is acting like she loathes Harold, she dances with him without protest)  
  
[A/N: Isn't life perfect in musicals? Everyone breaks into song and know all the dance steps automatically...]  
  
Constable and Farmer and their wives, Marian, and Harold: (Joins hands in a circle. A group on the other end of the stage do the same. Then they start spinning.)  
  
Constables Wife and Harold Hill: WEEEEEEE! SPINNING!!!!!  
  
Harold: Let's play crack the whip!  
  
Everyone else: (Laugh)  
  
Constable's wife: (Thinking) God this is a long dance sequence! Oh man I'm getting dizzy...  
  
Farmer's Wife: Uh oh... (Throws up on Constable)  
  
Constable: My stick! You threw up on my stick!  
  
Director: Get the Constable cleaned up! I'll take care of the stick...  
  
(Weird looks toward the Director)  
  
Music Director: Okay, guys, it's SHI-POO-PEE. Not SHUH-POO-PEH. And when you're spinning... Try not to get sick, okay? Good. And sing like you're HAPPY! Remember, you're singing about Shipoopi! You like Shipoopi!  
  
Director: Okay, guys. That's a rap. Next week we'll be practicing another scene. Keep working. I gotta go now... um... Buh bye! (Runs off, leaving his WIFE and KID behind)  
  
Music Director: Okay, don't you DARE forget any of the songs. Remember to burn your scripts before the next practice! See you next week!  
  
Ha ha, I love doing this. I hope you love reading it. Please leave your reviews right down there. Here, you can have a cheese ball if you do... The director likes cheese balls... but that's another chapter... hehehe. }=D Well, review review review! Your opinion matters! 


	2. Review - 2 1/2 hours

Shipoopi - Part 2?!?!  
  
Oit! We're back! With another laugh-packed practice! Wait... has anyone accually reviewed the first chapter yet? Oh! There's one! Thanks, Kanoi. (And everyone else who reviewed this crayzay fic) Cheese IS good. Now, keep- a reviewing! We had a pretty funny practice this week....  
  
  
  
(Constable's Wife walks in)  
  
Harold: So, is the music teacher male or... Female?  
  
Marcellas: She's also the librarian... (waves arms in the shape of an '8')  
  
Fee-male!  
  
Mrs. Shinn and Marian: (Talking quietly waiting for their part to come on)  
  
Marian Paroo: If a woman is shaped like that...  
  
Mrs. Shinn: (yelling) That is not the way a woman is shaped! She would not be healthy is she were shaped like that!  
  
Director: Cut! Cut! Start again!  
  
Harold Hill: Male... Or female?  
  
Marcellas: Fee-male! (waves arms again)  
  
Mrs. Shinn, Marian, and various townspeople: (in unison with Marcellas) Fee- mayl!  
  
Director: CUT! Only do your own part! Now, start after this line!  
  
Hill: You know how it goes, Marcellas. What can I use?  
  
Marcellas: Nothin.  
  
Hill: Then I'll have to create some. I'll have to create a desperate need for a pool table... What's new around here?  
  
Marcellas: Nothin. Except... There is the pool table in the Billiard Parlor.  
  
Hill: They never had a pool table?  
  
Marcellas: No, only Billiards.  
  
Harold: That'll do--  
  
Mrs. Shinn: AHHHHHHH HAHAHHAHAAAAA! AHHHAHHAHHAHA!!!!!!  
  
Director: What the?!  
  
Harold Hill: (chuckles) You like my script?  
  
Charlie: (explaining to cast) Brian brought in the entire script for Monty Python and the Holy Grail. He got it from Montypython.net.  
  
Mrs. Shinn: (Still laughing histerically) NEE! NEEHEEHEEEE!  
  
Harold: (Grinning)  
  
Director: Okay, okay! Cut, let's start up at the song! Gather with your husbands and wives for Trouble!  
  
(A small group gathers in a little crowd and walk up to the Director)  
  
Constable's Wife: I'm his (constables) wife, and that's our kid. (points to a little boy)  
  
Constable's...Other...Wife: [Remember her?] I'm his (constable's) wife, and the Farmer's wife, I'm also his (Charlie's) wife, and THAT's my kid. (points to little girl)  
  
Charlie: I'm her (another townsperson) wife, and we don't have any kids.  
  
Farmer's wife: I'm the farmer's wife, and we have 2 kids.  
  
Farmer: I'm the farmer.  
  
Harold: See what happens when cousins marry in small Iowa towns? Everyone ends up related!  
  
Director: Okay, Mrs. Constable, You're with the constable and those kids.  
  
Mrs. Farmer, you're with the farmer. and Amaryllis and the kid.  
  
Charlie, you're with her.  
  
You, you're a widow. Go away.  
  
Charlie: Wow. He's good.  
  
Constables...Other...Wife: WIDOW? WIDOW?!? He's right there! That's my husband! Hmmph!  
  
Constable's Wife: OOOO! I almost forgot! My HAT!  
  
(Constable's Wife runs to bleachers and tears a hat out of the plastic. It is white, with a lavender ribbon around it, a small bouquet on the side, and 3 HUGE white feathers sticking out the back. We're talking 1 foot long here, folks, and that is one of the things that is NOT grossly exaggerated!)  
  
Mrs. Shinn: (is wearing a hat she stole from Marian, plum colored with a few tiny flowers on it) WHAT! The modest townwoman has a bigger hat than EULALIE MAKACKNIE[sp?] SHINN?! I AM THE MAYOR'S WIFE ANNNND *THE* PICK-A- LITTLE LADY TO BOOT! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALZAC!  
  
Constable's Wife: ^^;; Erp... (dashes over to the Constable)  
  
(Marcellas motions to townspeople, Harold Hill does his little rap about the evil pool table from hell)  
  
Townspeople: WHOOOOA WE GOT TROUBLE!  
  
(Half of the townspeople do the wrong dance, and/or hand motions)  
  
RIGHT HERE IN RIVER CITY!  
  
THAT STANDS FOR POOL!  
  
WE SURELY GOT TROUBLE!  
  
RIGHT HEE-  
  
Mrs. Shinn: (talking with Marian) HI-YA!  
  
(Townspeople, Harold, Director, etc. all stare)  
  
Mrs. Shinn: Oops... Did I say that out loud?  
  
Charlie: Well THAT was totally random...  
  
Director: Okay, people! Let's do the fountain! Two grecian urns! Spots please!  
  
Mrs. Shinn: But... But... SHE (Constable's wife) HAS A BIGGER HAT THAN I!  
  
Constable's wife: (grabs the hat off of Eulalie's head and gives it back to Marian, placing her own hat on Eulalie) There. Happy? Let's do Grecian Urns now.  
  
(everyone gets in their spots for the Grecian Urns scene)  
  
(Pick-a-little ladies get in a circle around Mrs. Shinn)  
  
Eulalie: (sticks right foot out, all dancers do the same) One Grecian Urn.  
  
(sticks left foot out... and shakes it all about) Two Grecian Urns.  
  
(Puts hands up in the air, and starts waving her fingers, slowly dropping to the floor... that's what it's all about!) And a fountain... Trickle trickle trickle--!  
  
Charlie: STOP!  
  
(Mrs. Shinn stops in mid-trickle, and mimes crying. The other dancers comfort her.)  
  
Charlie: You. Gullible. Green. Grassed. Goats.  
  
Constable, Constable's Wife, and various others: (a look that just SCREAMS 'WTF?!')  
  
Charlie: (goes on about how Harold is a fake and all that good stuff.)  
  
Constable: What're we waiting for?  
  
Woman: I want my money back!  
  
(long silence)  
  
School Board Member: (mumbling) Money back? I want his hide!  
  
Everyone: (laughs)  
  
Director: Whaaaaaat?  
  
School Board Member: The guy who says that line isn't here.  
  
Director: Ohhhhhhhhhh. Okay, then.  
  
Mayor Shinn: NOW do you believe me?  
  
(Townspeople and various others go off stage yelling stuff.)  
  
[Let's get em! Woo! What's the next scene?]  
  
Director: Congratulations! You did it! Now, it's time for [You guessed it!] Shit--Er, I mean Shipoopi!  
  
(Everyone gets in their places)  
  
Director: NO CIRCLES! STRAIGHT LINES!  
  
(Everyone gets in STRAIGHT LINES.)  
  
Tommy Djilas: (yadda yadda...) ...The Shipoopi.  
  
Townspeople: SHIPOOPI!  
  
[Whoo hoo!]  
  
Director: You, Marcellas, need to be closer to the audience. Don't lean on Tommy. Lean on... Him!  
  
(points to school board member)  
  
Marcellas: But...  
  
Director: GO!  
  
(Marcellas walks over, sighing at the fact that the School board member is quite a bit taller than him. The School board member leans over so Marcellas can lean on him and sing his song.)  
  
(Yea, yea. I'm too lazy to type the song again. You know the words.)  
  
[C'mon Professor show us some new steps!.. We've been through this before.]  
  
(Constable stands watching, completely missing the cue)  
  
Constable's wife: (grabs Constable) C'mon! Circle time!  
  
Harold: (runs extremely fast on purpose, just to get us to trip. Oi.)  
  
(Everyone stops at the end. Ta da.)  
  
Director: No... It's missing something...  
  
Okay! Spin 3 times...(under breath)don't get sick...please...And then, stand in front of your partner! Yea, London Bridge! And then the kids will walk under it!  
  
(the circle-spinners all pair up and touch hands in the air. The 'kids'...short people, Amaryllis, and Tommy...all bend down to get under people's arms. The last kid walks right under, trying to get with the group.)  
  
(Constable and Wife drop hands)  
  
Constable's Wife: London Bridge is falling down.  
  
That...other...wife[geez you remember!]: Falling down.  
  
Marian: Falling Down.  
  
Constable: London Bridge is falling down.  
  
Harold: My Fair Lady. (looks across at Marian)  
  
Director: Good, good! Now... something else... (mutter) I need something else to torture these kids...  
  
Okay! Okay! Now, husbands and wives, go up to the front of the stage!  
  
...Men, kneel down! Yea, and women, sit on their legs!  
  
(Despite being pretty hard to do in the first place, we later realize that it's next to impossible in our costumes...damn dresses...)  
  
Everyone: SHIPOOPI!  
  
(Once the music reaches it's climatic 'Zing!' and the curtain closes, everyone gets up, aching.)  
  
Constable's Wife: Oh... my... god... IT'S FINALLY OVER! (runs to her dad's car)  
  
  
  
Fun Fact: You dont need to pay to get premium porn!  
  
While I'm busy making fun of porn instant message bots, you should be reading this. Good. I'm finally done. This one's longer... Quantity = Quality? No, prolly not.  
  
Well, hope yer had fun. This is the only night this week that I don't have practice... tomorrow is another grueling, but hopefully comedic, 2 1/2 hours. Friday is our performance. And Saturday. Friday we get a Cast Party at Pizza hut. Yay!... Saturday we get to stay another 1/2 hour to remove tape from the stage. -_-;;  
  
And...THAT...was SHIPOOPI! Volume 2. 


End file.
